I’m Half Full
I’m starting to feel a lot more positive about my current situation. Not feeling as low or as sorry for myself after the weekend, and I apologise for going off on such a depressing tangent last Friday, but I won’t ever edit or delete that post – no matter how irrational I was being. This blog helps me vent and eventually sort my headin more ways than I thought it could.
With regards to my injury and the studio, I’ve just got to keep being positive I suppose. Although it is hard, when all I want to be doing is training my arse off for the comps. To throw two brililant sayings together though, time is a great healer, and patience is a virtue. Says it all really doesn’t it.
On the GL front (or not, haha), all should be done with now. He saw me talking to one of the directors from work on Friday when I was upset, shit himself and then rang me at lunch. He was checking I was ok, aka covering his own arse. I told him I want nothing else to do with him, and that I wanted to walk away from the situation with what little dignity as I have left. He apologised, saying it wasn’t his intention to make me feel bad about myself. Fuck you, you silly cunt.
I am so looking forward to Zante now… I am feeling nothing but positive things about it. I cannot wait to get out of this shitty country and be with a lad who I actually want to spend some time with for a change. Spoke to Matt quite a lot over the last few days; He’s got Thursday, Friday and Sunday off work, and we’re getting a jeep on Friday so we can go bossing off around the island seeing the sights over the weekend too. Should be lovely.
A good friend of mine described what I was feeling as a ‘love vacuum stress’. She said I needed to curb the drinking and have some proper ‘take care of yourself’ time. This ‘good friend’ has only been a friend of mine for a matter of months. She was there to give out well-received advice when I needed it the most, and no matter what my troubles are, she is always there to tell me what needs to be told and her words will always be taken on board. You know who you are, so thank you, and thanks to everyone else who supports me and gives a fuck, even if it is only slightly, it means a lot.
Love you all Xx
Car Parks
I met up with Adam lastnight, a good friend of Karl, the lad/man I did ‘lunch’ with about a month ago. It was all a bit hush hush because neither he nor I wanted Karl to find out we’d met up. Well… I didn’t really want ANYONE to know we’d met up but I just went with the Karl thing… He picked me up after I’d finished work at the studio. He took me to McDonalds for a McFlurry, and then to a very romantic badly-lit car park to “have a chat”.
I knew he was a sarcastic and very dry humoured person, like all the time, but I liked it because he made me laugh. But there were times when I didn’t know if he was being serious or not. I’d be there laughing my arse off about something he’d just said, then I’d look up and he’d have a proper serious face on. I’d apologise, feeling really bad, and then he’d smile and say he was only joking. I knew after a couple of times of this happening that I should take pretty much everything he said and did with a pinch of salt.
He was a decent kisser, a ‘face-holder’ as I like to call them. He put the moves on me pretty much as soon as we parked up and I’d finished stuffing my face with the McLoveliness. Bit of chair reclining, bit of over/and a bit under the clothes action, then he was ‘done’. After some what of a clean-up kafuffle, he started saying things like “You can’t tell anyone about this, ‘cos if Pearce (Karl’s surname) finds out about this, he’ll kill me”. I was like “He won’t kill you. And I’m not planning on telling anyone anyway”. His mood turned to a more aggressive one and he replied with “Well he best not find out so make sure you just keep your fucking mouth shut”.
I was a little bit stunned to be honest, didn’t know if he was joking or being genuine. I asked him if he had actually just spoken to me like that or if he was messing around, and he started making out like it was me with the issue and didn’t know why I was making a big deal out of it. I told him to take me home. I wasn’t scared being there with him or anything, I didn’t feel threatened, I just didn’t want to be around him after he’d spoken to me like that. On the drive home he apologised and said he didn’t mean for it to come across as aggressive and that he was only joking, but then he carried on being a dick. I wasn’t laughing this time though. He’d clearly had some kind of post-come emotional breakdown or something. I’d never seen anyone switch so fast. And if he was genuinely concerned about hurting his friends feelings, who apparently “liked me a lot”, then why did he meet up with me in the first place. It was his effort, not mine…
Fuck me, why the hell was I still attracted to him after that?? I got out of the car thinking “I should have given him a kiss goodnight”… I think I have serious issues. He rang me when he got in but I didn’t have a lot to say so the conversation was cut short and I went to bed. Not spoken to him since. Yet another crazy one to put on the Nejjy pull-list. I’m actually quite a decent person, why do I attract such weirdo’s??
