Boys with Girls.
The wife has been in contact with a lad she used to go to Primary School with quite recently. Now… this lad has a girlfriend, and he knows that Emma knows this. And yet over the past week he has continued to bombard her with overly-nice and flirty text messages. If she doesn’t reply within a 5-10 minutes, he’ll send a follow up text “Is everything ok?” or “Oi, you not talking to me?” Does he literally spend no time with his woman? And why put so much effort in when it’s clearly never going to get anywhere??
In situations like this, I would never say that she is in the wrong for replying to his messages or even for flirting with him. At the end of the day, he is the one who has chosen to be commited to somebody else, whether or not he keeps his word on that is not my wife’s problem.
Having never been cheated on, I don’t know the feeling of having somebody go behind your back. And because of this I find it unreasonable for the women in this situation to hate the women their men are cheating with. The men were the one’s who promised to be faithful… But to us, all’s fair in love and war.
I’ve had a couple of ‘Takens’ on the cards since the Break Up. But the point is, that these men are a lot more attractive to us because the likelihood of having to actually do anything we say to them is very small. Still, it makes me wonder why they bother doing it in the first place. And should we feel bad for playing along with them even though they have another woman on the sideline?
Dan started talking to me on Facebook a couple of months ago. We casually chatted about how we would make a bang-bus movie together (direct, not star in), the size of our porn collections, and the like. He had introduced me to his missus once when we were out about a year ago, and I knew (from what he’d told me) that they were living together and had been together a few years… The Facebook chatting turned into texting. He’d text me when he was at work (obviously when she wasn’t anywhere near) discussing what outfit I was wearing and whether or not i was bending over a desk. He started to tell me how much he liked me… Instant bad sign. I told him I liked him too but that this was just fun, he had a girlfriend who he was happy with, and there was no point in ruining that. I didn’t want to go out with him, it was all just a bit of fun. The texts became more frequent during the evenings and weekends, until one night he rang me up saying she’d been through his phone and that he was really in the shit. I had no sympathy. Like I said, if they chose to break their word, that’s their business. If it wouldn’t have been me, it would have been somebody else.
But is the thrill of the chase actually more exciting than the catch? And not just for lads, for girls too…
There’s a lad who I’m currently half-bedding. Meaning, the opportunity is there, I’ve just not decided whether or not I want to take it. I completely made all the effort to begin with. He’s younger than me, and one of Emma’s mates so it wasn’t instantly set up to be a pull. After I had put forward my flirty efforts with military precision, I have truly bagged him, but now he want’s it, I’ve gone off the idea. I’m such a lad.
Friend-Zones and Headfucks
This is a long one I’m afraid. And this is the shortened version. Haha!…
On New Years Eve 2008, I was in a relationship with ‘him’. I’d arranged a house party at mine with him and the Banter Brigade because I cannot stand going out on New Years, it’s ridiculous and shit… The midnight bells came and went, and I noticed ‘he’ had drank a little too much, so I sent him to bed (we’d had issues in the past regarding his drinking, so I didn’t put up with any drunken nonsense). I retired too an hour or so later and as soon as I’d lay down received a text message from Corbett (who was downstairs in my living room) which went along the lines of “He’s a lucky man getting to sleep next you tonight”. I deleted it straight away, passing it off as a drunken one-off. This lad had been my mate for a few years, and that text was never mentioned afterwards – I didn’t really want any complications. Especially with someone I was out with almost every weekend.
When me and ‘him’ were going through our break, I sent a text out to a few of the boys saying “Looks like I’m single now boys. Let’s all get it on. Haha Xx”, and then got one back off Corbett saying “I wish you were being serious”. A conversation ensued where he basically said he liked me a lot but he was worried anything happening would ruin the friendship we had – which I totally understood. And although I didn’t understand why he had told me in the first place, we agreed to leave the issue and carry on just being ‘mates’.
When I was newly single, and therefore acting all footloose and fancy free, every time we were out and I found myself dancing with another lad, I’d notice Corbett standing on the sidelines looking over as if he was about to kick off. I found myself doing it too though, I hated seeing him dancing with other girls. If that situation ever came about I’d just go and girate myself behind him until his attention was diverted then leave him alone… How mature… I really did like him. And the fact I knew he liked me just made it worse, wanting what I couldn’t have. Blah blah blah…
This all carried on for a few weeks and then I met Matt. When we went out on a date one Saturday, the gang all went out to Burnley and I arranged to meet them there afterwards. The story I got from the Wife was that all night Corbett was asking where I was, who I was with, and when I was coming out. Every time Emma got a text, he was asking if I was on my way and what I was doing… When I eventually did arrive, Emma told him she was meeting me at the entrance and he said he would wait at the side for us to get back. However, once we got there (and after a quick trip to the toilets so the Wife could tell me the entire nights events) he was gone… A few minutes later he appeared from nowhere with some peroxide blonde polyester dressed horror of a bird’s hand in his, and giving me a quick wink he led her to the dancefloor where they started getting off with each other and dirty dancing. I went for a fag and sent him a text saying “I’m almost embarrased for you”… I saw him 15mins later, he said he thought I’d ”fucked off home” already, I asked him why I would have and that it should be him going home, and a verbal fight began between us. I clarified that he had done it deliberately, and if he had stuff to say to me, he should be saying it, not playing silly games and ignoring the issue. He shrugged it off.
The tension was always there afterwards, we both just kept our distance until the Thursday night in Burnley where we both got wankered and ended up getting off with eachother outside his house (mentioned in a previous blog entry). And to clarify again, HE initiated that kiss, not me. I gave an innocent enough hug and cheek kiss to which he replyied “Is that all I get then?”… The necking commenced.
Before Mexico it was all hyped up that we were gonna be shagging on holiday because “What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico”. And that was true, but the secrets we shared sadly don’t involve a night of passion. We both pulled other people in front of eachother there and we pulled eachother on a couple of nights too, and it wasn’t even an issue. We were all there to have good time and enjoy ourselves…
When we got our alone time, rather than spending it strapping up and smacking up, we spent it talking about our past, present and future. He made a schoolboy error and told me that he basically wants to be a bastard. That if he likes a girl, he’ll let her know, but as soon as they show any interest, he turns it off and acts a dick with them. He’d been hurt in the past, big time, and admitted outright that he didn’t like failing. If anything serious were to happen with a girl which then messed up, that would be a fail, so he just didn’t want to bother. It wasn’t worth the hassle and the hurt etc etc.
We stayed up until 6am the next morning just talking. In a way he’d made himself more vulnerable, showing me his weak points and telling me his game plan. Walking back to the rooms he said he liked me (again) but that we were mates and that made it weird for him to deal with… then he gave me a good snog and groped me for half an hour in the corridor. We were in separate rooms and both had our mates inside. If there would have been somewhere to go we would have slept together that night. It genuinely felt like the perfect time to do it because we’d already shared so much…. I just sound gay now. Haha.
Coming back home and back to reality, we now have had no resolution to this issue. 6 months on and there’s been no getting it out of our system and moving on with a clear head. The tension and feelings are most definitely still there; both positive and negative ones. And the games are being played from both sides more than ever. However… I’ve decided to keep my distance now. He told my Wife how fit she was on Friday night after we got back from Mexico, and how everyone liked her. Then he made out like all he’d ever wanted to do was be my friend and that I kept on pushing the issue with him to make it more. I know his game, but my other mates don’t. And I don’t want to be made out to be some desperate mug who is following him around like a lost puppy. We’ll just have to see what comes of this one I think. But I just want this over and done with to be honest.
Why must boys play games with us? And why do I love to play along?
Too Much.
I’ve always been a very black and white kind of person, I’ve always said it how it is. I see it pointless speaking to people I don’t actually want to speak to and going out and playing Happy Families with every other cunt, even if I don’t actually like them in the slightest. If I talk to you, it’s because I like you, or because I want something from you… Simples *makes meer cat noise*.
My method of dealing with men at the moment is also very black and white. I tell them I’ve just got out of a four year relationship, and that I’m not planning on getting back into one anytime soon, so if they have a problem with that, just don’t take me out. However, since this new found approach has been used, I seem to have aquired a back-log of over needy, attention wanting boys/men… Is it because of the whole, wanting what you can’t have thing? Because I thought only girls got that… I’ve since received numerous Facebook messages or texts, not declaring love, but declaring a little too much attachment than I’d have liked to hear. No, I do not want to hear how beautiful I am and what a great personality I have. And no, I do not feel the same.
This sort of behaviour has only ever had an effect on me once since the split, and that was with Matt. And I’m pretty sure that was just because it was the rebound and I was not in full control of my feelings and therefore unable to hold them back… *the stone-hearted bitch steps down from her soapbox* haha. I’ve made my excuse for that one now… So I’ll move on.
To put a similar situation forward which is the other way around, I have a ‘relationship’ with one of the company directors at work. This relationship basically consists of him bombarding me with offers of trips to London, Premiership football games, and expensive meals out, for a few weeks/months while I constantly reel off the ” I have to work at the studio”, “I’m too tired” and “I’ve already have plans”… I’m not sure what it is… I don’t think it’s the age gap, or the fact he may have “old balls” as my Wifey so nicely puts it. There’s just a part of me that, even though he’s hot, rich and extremely powerful (in a kind of Gordon Rasey domination way… mmmm), I would have to walk around that office afterwards thinking “He has seen my fanny”…
Whenever the time comes where I think fuck it, I might as well take him up on one of these offers, all of a sudden he’s “got the kids for the weekend”, “the boys are coming round” or he “has a meeting”… On a Sunday… Really?? Up until quite recently I honestly believed that at some point he would take me out and that stuff might have happened, but I’ve most realistically come to terms with that fact that he is in fact just a massive fanny tease and loves the chase, and the chase alone. Yea… we’ll see which tease wins this war then shall we, while I’m sauntering around the office in my tight skirt and a pencil in my mouth, bending over to check the paper tray in the photocopier.
Seems that I’m doing the same thing as the over needy, attention wanting boys/men i mentioned previously, and regardless of the vicious circle I find myself in with this man. I can’t help but keep repeating the same pattern every few weeks with him. No, no, no, yes?… Oh, no.
I would ruin him anyway, he’s older than me and most probably has little to no stamina.
End of.
