Attention Diverter
My plane landed in Zante on Thursday afternoon. Matt came to meet me at the airport, even though he said he wouldn’t have been able to. I think it was really sweet of him actually, even though I did look like I’d been on a plane for 4 hours… We went back to his place and I half unpacked, was distracted by some afternoon sex, then we went out for a sunbathe. Things seemed to slip into a comfortable routine quite quickly. Much like when he was over here, I never felt uncomfortable or self-conscious around him. And I’m very rarely like that. I loved that part about being there with him the most.
His mates Tim and Adam were over there, so when Matt was working I went out on the drink with them. They were both really good lads, I’d met Tim before, and had talked to him on Facebook, so I wasn’t with complete strangers – haha… The first night I was completely on my arse,
which resulted in me having to force myself to be sick just so I could walk straight. One of the PR’s described me as an Alcohol Bulimic because I make myself sick so often when I’ve drank too much – I want that as my job title… Matt met us in a bar after he’d finished work; we drank for a bit longer, got a pizza and then went back to his. I don’t remember much except that the sesh we had was brilliant, but was not a very well protected one (I’m on the injection, and yes, I’m booked for a GUM check up this week).
After trying to piece together the previous night, Matt told me that he’d slept with two girls since he’d been over there, and used protection with each. He told me one of them was a girl he’d met working there last year, but then they’d met up and shagged back in England after the season, then hooked up again this year… I don’t know if he was telling me to make me feel better about the situation, but for me, isn’t that worse than a one night stand? It’s like hooking up with an old girlfriend!… Like I said before I went over there, I don’t want to lay claims on him, or him have any claims on me. But even I can’t control the pang of jealousy you get when the lad you’re sleeping with talks about another girl. Especially one who he’s going to be around for another two months… My head seems to have made a bigger issue out of this now I’m back home.
The four days I spent there were lovely. We chilled out by the pool during the day, took a boat out to Turtle Island and sunbathed on the beach, and I generally got to know him a lot better. My favourite day was the last day because we spent it alone. We rented a jeep and drove around the island, ended up at St Nick’s beach and lay in a hammock together all afternoon getting tanned and chatting about stuff from our pasts. He took me for dinner that night at a little Greek restaurant with a gorgeous view overlooking the coast, and then we went back to Laganas for a few drinks before I had to go home.
Sex over the weekend got better and better each time. He honestly is the best I’ve ever had, he knew exactly what he was doing. But although the physical connection was there, and we could talk all day long, I really can’t see this lad as my boyfriend, even when he eventually comes home… I really can’t see ANY lad as my boyfriend. Am I just destined to spend my 20-somethings alone and fill my time with meaningless sex?? I don’t think I want that anymore. I think I need something a little less shallow.
He drove me to the airport on Monday at half 5 in the morning. I checked in my case and we sat outside on the pavement watching the sun come up until my gate was called. We didn’t really talk, except him saying that he would miss me and me saying it back – we just sat together… Much like when he left in May, I wasn’t sure if it was the attention and affection I was going to miss the most or him. In May, it was him I missed, I felt like it was a missed opportunity and the shittest timing ever, but this time I’m not sure. I haven’t had cuddles and kisses off anyone except the wife for over two months… Maybe it’s not him I need. Maybe it’s just someone. I don’t regret going though, although I feel withdrawn now I’m so glad I saw him. He’s a lovely lad with decent intentions, and I’ll definitely be seeing him again.
I’ve come home and to be honest I feel a little empty. I need an attention diverter… And I’m questioning whether it should be of the male persuasion, or more of a hobby.
I got accepted onto the Suicide Girls website. I become a SG Hopeful as soon as I submit a set into member review (If it gets voted by the members as Set of The Week, I then become a fully-fledged SG and get $1000). I’ll be shooting my first set with Suzie this week, so hopefully that will consume some of my time and mainly my thoughts. My head is still a little scattered.
